Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
