I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
