is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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