Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
