I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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