I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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