My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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