I just made out with a guy for $7.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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