Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
