I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
