so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
