if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
