You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
