I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
