are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
