we're blogging at a bar
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So much Jack, so little girl.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
