i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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