used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
