I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
