Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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