You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
