We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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