Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
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