Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
