their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
