i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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