they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
