Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
