Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
