if only i could text you this smell
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
