i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
