his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
