only you would photoshop your dick
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
