Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
