I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
