please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
