So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
