If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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