I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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