I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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