So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
