Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
