I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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