Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
