somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I have aggressive nipples.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
