Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
