We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
