Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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