i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
