He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
