Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
