Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
