I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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