Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
