And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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