dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
